The piano has been drinking

Not me.

Sir PJ

"Here's your change, sir."

The gal behind the cash register at the grocery store didn't look much younger than me. And yet she called me "sir." It's been happening a lot lately...people referring to me as "sir."

I don't remember being knighted any time recently. Did I grow up?

I'm going to the record store. No one calls you "sir" at the record store.

a pleasant distraction

Tonight my buddy's girlfriend drunk dialed me and talked about her nipples for like half an hour.

They're pink, apparently.

math for fraid-y cats

Stephen Wright always said that he isn't afraid of heights...he's afraid of widths.

As for me, I'm terrified of lengths.

If we could get Steve, myself, and some acrophobic together in the same room, what do you suppose the volume of our fear would be?

Believe it or not

In his book Healing and Belief, Norman Cousins summarizes medical data showing that the efficacy of medicines and medical treatment generally is 25% due to the drug or treatment and 75% the result of a patient's BELIEF in the drug or treatment. During his lifetime, Cousins fended off a life-threatening disease and a massive coronary, both times using his own regimen of nutritional and emotional support systems in lieu of conventional medication. For over a decade, Cousins dedicated himself to finding evidence that a positive mindset actually stimulates biochemical agents which combat disease.

OK.

I've been applying dish soap to a series of jellyfish stings (long story...don't ask) all week, sincerely, earnestly (naively?) believing that Palmolive would speed the healing process. Have 75% of my bites disappeared? No.

Nematocyst-laden ocean bastard: 1
Me: 0

To what extent are our lives self-fulfilling prophecies? If we believe something is true, so much so that it's as good as real in our heads, does that make it true? Conversely, if we do not believe in something, even something we desperately want, where does that leave us?

What if someone could prove that positive beliefs, concepts, and ideas actually manifest themselves in physical reality? Well...

All nihilists would be dead. Winning the lottery would no longer be a stroke of luck, but a great personal achievement. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter would just be "Butter."

Everything that happened to you would be YOUR fault. This is mostly true anyway, but we're talking about a whole new level of accountability. There would be no more auspicious coincidences, only triumphs of the mind. People could be all,"Hey, way to not die in that hurricane," and you could rightly feel proud of yourself. After all, YOU did it...you weren't fortunate...you just had to believe.

There would be slip-ups. For instance, if I said, "I can't BELIEVE how hot that girl is," the consequences could be dire. Through my disbelief in her hotness, I would actually make her less hot. Doh.

Life would progress exactly as you see fit, exactly as you believe it would. There would no longer be victims of social injustice, only people without the cognitive persistence to will their way out of situations. There would be no victims of illness, just weak-minded individuals who allow disease to consume them...

"You got cancer? Weak, dude. Way to suck."

Death would be a collapse of the mind, rather than of the body.

Perhaps - eventually- everyone would learn to believe, and there would be no shocking misfortune. Sounds nice, I suppose.

But there would also be no pleasant surprises, no happy accidents. Man would never long for something he couldn't have, but he'd never receive something he always wanted.

For some people, I think the idea that they somehow control and guide every minute aspect of their lives is empowering. Aight. But an idyllic paradise, it ain't.

Sure, some days we wake up expecting, even believing in, something, and we get nothing. And it sucks.

But other days, we expect nothing and get something, and I'm not sure anything in the world feels better than that.

self speak

The water pressure in my shower leaves much to be desired. Actually, it only leads me to desire one thing: more water pressure. If there's one thing I don't like, it's a weak shower. But that's not true either; there are many things I dislike.

Never mind.

The entire 'Wreck Your Life' CD

That's how long it took me to clean my bathroom and kitchen.

I'm on Old97s time.

Thinking/doing

I would rather discuss implications than applications. It's not that I think they're more important; I just find them more interesting.